Iv Loved And Iv Lost

i had a friend,a partner in crime,fashion,laughter and sorrow
i had a sister,a soul to confide in with my insecurities,with my life
i had a dream that one day id be her maid of honour and she'd be mine
i had a nightmare where i saw a blur on both our faces and between us was a very thick line...

i mean, i knew boys come and go but i honestly thought friends would be there for a while..if not forever.prolly cause iv never lost a friend, not even to death....and it strikes to be very ironic how the 'strongest' friendships are brought to shutter by the tiniest things....figuratively and literally.
i spent hours questioning the real cause of the split,weary days to sleepless nights.
everytime i gave the matter thought,i felt a lump of emotion clogg my throat...
...and yess,i wept for what had been profound in my life for a little more than two years
i had learnt to live with what i believed were her character flaws,corrected her were necessary
and besides,it never bothered me much as it was never in my offence...but when my nightmare took  stage...i  guess we both learnt each others truth.
i would see visions of the words she threw at me and those i threw at her and asked myself if it was necessary.other times i told myself i should have jus ignored the offence i picked from her provocations and maybe we'd still be friends...but when i came back to myself,i realised it was too late.

i had this very precious gold bracelet that i treasured so much and one day i accidentally put it in water and what i thought was real gold began to rust and dismantle.i cant help but relate this encounter to my lost friendship...real things defeat challenges...real gold will never rust in water just as real friendships should  withstand tests.the very last word she ever said to me 'whatever' is the very first trace of rust that i had seen on my gold bracelet...she left no room for reconciliation and so i questioned if it was ever real.....my question remains un-answered.

for a couple of  weeks i strived to fix things...in my sleep,i'd dream of our reconciliation and i'd always wake up in a bittersweet mood...faced by reality.
and then came a time when i decided my life must move on...i taught myself how to digest and egest pain...and its a life lesson learnt.i acknowledged the fact that i played a part in destroying it,if i had never put the bracelet in water,it would still be intact(atleast for some time)...
and so,i finally threw in the towel,walked out of the past and stepped into the future.
i learnt to laugh, to smile and to love again.

if you ever stumble upon this, do hear my inner voice that is shadowed by my pride...i really am sorry that we'r no longer friends,im sorry for the part i played.i love you even though you dont believe it.

its been said that all good things come to an end.it happens to everyone,you find out who you are and what you want,and then you realise that people you'v known forever dont see things the way you do.so you keep the wonderful memories and find yourself moving on.
**yesterday is not ours to recover, but tommorow is ours to win or lose**...i choose to win.